So,
I have been in thought for a while now (like 5 years) about my choices about women, and choice of women. In other words, the choices I make and what type of women I prefer. There was a time when you'd ask me what I want, and one of the first things I'd say, if not the first thing, was a phat ass and blah blah blah. With all due respect, as shallow as that sounds, typically I think of the physical first, because that's what we see first. If you were to ask me now, a phat ass wouldn't be so high up on the list--hell, not having a phatty isn't even a deal breaker anymore (she needs to have something though. Phlatties leave me uninspired.). What can I say, I've grown up seeing women in and around my family with ass...so that's what I'm accustomed to. It makes me think of home (ha).
But I digress...the real matter at point is that I've learned more of what I don't want over the past five years as I've worked on being more open. I'm not the most emotionally expressive person, but I'm hella supportive. Got a play that you're in? I'll make it a point to be there on opening night front and center, applaud the loudest at curtain call, and provide theatrical notes afterwords. That's me. I'm the quality time guy. The "guy you don't have to question because he's going to be there because that's what he said he was going to do"--guy. The "speak his mind and shame the devil guy--even if you get pissed at me guy because he wants to be able to be genuine with his lady" guy.
So, after having a couple of relationships here and there, I've learned some things.
1. I've learned that I need a woman with character, integrity and values. I need to be able to take her at her word. If I can't trust her, our relationship will fall apart quicker than a Ralph Nader presidential candidacy bid.
2. She needs to believe in God. She doesn't have to have a Christian background, which I know my mother would want--but she needs to believe in God. When hardships come, God has been my one saving grace, and I need to know she won't abandon hope when circumstances are uncertain, unsure or bleak.
3. She needs to be intelligent and able to hold a conversation/ have her own opinion. I don't need anybody regurgitating the rhetoric they heard on the evening news ad nauseum. I need to be able to respect her intelligence, and I need to be able to have a meaningful conversation with her. If I can't respect her smarts, it'll be hard for me to respect her, and for me to not be subjective with her body as a result.
4. Humor. I'm silly. If you can't take a break from being serious, you can't make it with me. I can be serious when I have to be, but I like to make those I love and care for laugh. Aside from that, my humor doesn't have just one side--I can be self deprecating, sarcastic, politically correct, politically incorrect, down and dirty, subversive, tongue-in-cheek, subtle, not-so-subtle, whatever.
5. She needs to be openhearted and charitable in spirit, yet discerning.
After we deal with these must-haves, then we can get to artistic inclination which is damn near a necessity, and being outgoing. I'm a home body, so I need someone that is comfortable chilling at home, but get me out of the house every now and then. So, social graces and the ability to articulate are highly important as well. Conversate is not a word, and if you say this even in gest, you are pushing it. From there, good looks and a phatty are still high on the list. Say what you want, but I wanna be able to look at you in any setting and break you down. I saw this young lady going into church about 4 weeks ago--and I was like, "Dear Lord, give me strength as I walk through these doors." Shorty was right. That's what I want. Need? Not so much.
All this to say, I've grown up, and refined mmy list to include what's really important. I still want nice skin, a phat ass (yes, Lord, hallelujah), a pretty smile, natural hair, a toned body, etc. But these are wants. If I can't get what I need, then were only working on one side of the house, and we can only really get down in one way outside of just being cool, y'dig? I'm realizing wha works for me.
Girly-girls are cute often, but eventually tend to annoy me. You can be a lady, dress nicely, and d all the lady-like upkeep you want--but sweat is good...just as long as it fits the situation. If we're running, sweat is an expected byproduct of said activity. Me having to teach you the basics of football is not really a good look, but if you genuinely want to know, then cool. You gotta be able to hang with the fellas in the rare occasions that I do...and understand, when I joke with the fellas, it' going to be different. Sensitivity is fine, I'm not insensitive. But I'm going to be the best me I know how to be.
If you start tripping over how I do something instead of what I do, then it's going to be a problem. If I rub your stink ass feet, don't get mad because I did it different than what you would have expected. That I did it at all should suffice. Just saying. And with that, I will once again hop off of my soap box. Ya'll stay blessed now, y'hear?
