Adventures in the Metro, Volume 2: The McMuffin Monologues

So, about a month and a half ago, I was walking towards the metro on my way home. Now, in reality, my walk is about 2 ½ city blocks (DC, not New York—I learned there is a decided difference), but because I have to wait on unsynchronized lights (when is DC going to address this), it feels much longer. So anyway, I get to the intersection of Vermont & K, and I’m waiting for the light to cross the street to cut through McPherson Park. Prior to getting to the light however, a dude over to the side decided to start walking in my direction. Immediately, I’m thinking he’s about to ask me for money, but what I got was a soliloquy as he accompanied me through the intersection and through the park. It went something like this.

Stranger: I had to go to the hospital…but I owe all these drug dealers money….and they all want me to pay them, but I don’t have the money…I could ask for $5 dollars, but what is $5 really? I mean it’s something, but it ain’t $50. I mean $50 ain’t much, but it’s enough to pay a bill, but what is $5? That’s not even enough to buy a meal from McDonald’s. Because you gonna wanna buy a coffee and you gon’ need your juice, and your egg McMuffin, and you can’t have that without a hash brown…and you gon’ need another McMuffin because the McMuffin is really tasty and you can’t just have one of dem…and before you know it, that’s more than $6…”

Yeah, maybe not funny to you, but hilarious to me. Especially since due didn’t really finish one thought before starting another, or really take a breath. It was just a constant stream of words all rhythmically balanced. I also left some of the stuff out about the drugs because it’s been a month and a half, and I can’t remember all the details. Something about him not having the money to pay them and they were looking for him, which I guess, led to the McMuffin monologue.