Plight of the Ronin

So,
I have been feeling a bit of a shift back to me prior to ’06, which is good, because that was a time before all the malarkey—technically no, I was stressing out in ’05, but more so because I was concerned about the well-being of my loved ones in certain situations. Not my business really…well, that’s not true either. The fall out happened in November ’05, but I digress. I’m simply saying that I’m getting back to being more creative just for the sake of being creative. I’ve had a couple of false starts, so I’m not going to get all happy and what not, BUT, I am optimistic.

Sidebar Tangent #12,345: I firmly believe that my reliance on Microsoft Word’s automatic spell check feature has caused my spelling to erode. If I don’t readily see a red line, I’m thinking I’m good. I could be on a typewriter for crying out loud. No red line? Shit, I’m good! Good thing I don’t rely on the grammar check, too. That green line would have me inarticulate as $#!+.

Anywho—on another note, I find it hard to be something when I have no interest in it, even if I believe it’s right. Like, I don’t steal, and typically don’t lie, because I believe in it and I have an interest in doing it “the right way”. Being celibate? I believe in it, and I wanna do that shit…but it just ain’t sticking right now. I’m good for a few days, maybe a week or more, and then I’m looking to use like I’m an addict or something. I ain’t on that Tiger Woods (Tiger Whoo)/Eric Benet bush, but damn man… It’s hard to be disciplined when you’re a ronin, y’dig? I mean, if you’re a samurai, you sword only works for one master, but when you are a ronin, and have no master—it’s like, whoever crosses your path can get cut (of course not literally...I do have standards, morals and ethics--and paranoia/hygienic concerns). For the record, that was funny as hell, and I’m laughing on the inside (loti).

A positive note is, I’ve recently (re?)discovered that I can tune that out a bit the more active I am in other areas—chiefly creatively speaking. If my mind is working on some creative stuff, and I’m actually writing, drawing, charting, etc., I’m much better off—which has to be how I did it before. Lord knows, I can’t think of any other way I pulled of that miracle—twice.

Yeah man…really light today. Just blessed to be alive and healthy.

B.Easy