Treading Water (Here and There)

Wondering where my words have gone, I sometimes look for them here
hoping that maybe I'll hear them
here
from the wake of nowhere
because it's there
i find I can't find me
there
that I can't see
there is no me there
so "there"
is a place I can seldom bear to be
There, I am bare
yet barely free
Simply because the oppressive writer's block makes me feel I'm barely me
Yet,
When I'm there
I often find things about me that I never knew
So in a sense, I sometimes have to go there to become new
and remember that whenever I am here
what it felt like to be there
and why I don't want to go back
knowing that I can never be here
without going there at some point
that is the reality
everything in life has a duality
light has dark
near has far
It just seems so hard to find that balance in between
Stitch and seams
Nightmares and dreams
what this all means
it's funny that way sometimes
truly there is nothing stranger than the human mind
The time when you are moving at 100 miles per hour may be the time you find you've gone nowhere
and the time where you were most still is the point you finally got there
or here
depeending upon your destination
your drive or hesitation
i'm just saying
wondering more or less
if the time we spend dreaming in our deepest slumber
is the time when we are most awake
the time when we are most honest with ourselves about who we are
and what we want to accomplish
I'm embarrassed a bit
almost ashamed to admit
that I don't think I know what I want
which is why I seem to find myself sinking from time to time
tired of fighting a current that may actually be trying to save my life
i don't know
but i think i should get swimming lessons
swim out into the center
and wait for life
or God
to come and take me
I simply don't feel like treading water
anymore