Choices: Pt. 3, "I'm sayin' shorty, I'm feelin' you, but can't we just chill?"

Prelude
The P.O.P., for it men have fought wars, taken what wasn’t theirs and made it yours, conquered distant nations and unbelievable odds ratios just for a little fellatio. Woman, if ye are not gods, than what be. Womb likened to that of the cosmos, this universes life energy. Truly, you are greater than even you know.
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Many people have speculated on the relationship between my best friend Lynn and I for years. If I had a dollar for every joke, comment, inquiry and assumption about us that has been vocalized, I guess we’d have enough for a hell of a wedding, huh? Did he just say that…? Shut up and read.

Many swear that we are a couple, not understanding that we do sometimes bump heads, we do sometimes beef and disagree…we are human. Shit, I know every damn thing there is to know (a characteristic of many Virgo's), and she can be stubborn as hell…damn Capricorn’s will be stubborn even when they know they’re dead wrong. However, we have never been on the outs with one another for more than 48 hours, simply because we genuinely enjoy each other’s company so much. Simply because, when the chips are down, she’s one of the people I can count on to ride or die the most in this life, and I know she feels the same about me.
I think I know why Lynn and I are so cool. I mean, any positive/good friendship should involve meaningful communication, the ability to share thoughts, sentiments…words. Lynn and I do that, but we have become quite adept at sharing silence, too. That to me is beautiful. Shit, to say that I enjoy your company so much, I can travel just to sit in your presence…that means something. Yet another reason why I think I’ve been off the scene so much lately. These days, it feels like a laundry list of reasons, all of them valid, yet quirky. I find that guys can sit in each others company and communicate primarily through gestures, guttural sounds and grunts for hours, yet there is no miscommunication. You want some chips, you grunt “Aargh” as you point towards the chips. No need to spoil the game with words other than utterances of profanity when disagreeing with the referees. And I have that type of relationship with Lynn, who just happens to be a woman, which I happens to be more at ease with.
Seriously, I was raised primarily in my mother’s household, and grew up observing/ wanting my sister’s friends, all of which were fine. Damn, my sister kept some good looking friends, boy. So being as though I’ve been into the opposite sex since pre-school, even had a girlfriend in pre-school and kindergarten (still think that boys believing girls are yucky is a myth perpetuated by Hollywood because they think it’s cute), I eventually learned to shut up and just go with the flow. Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy talking with people I know, it’s just sometimes I just want to be…quiet. For Lynn to not get upset and assume I’m in a foul mood every time I go into my quiet phase, means a lot to me. I can be funny, or thoughtful, or whatever…just in my own way.
For example, anyone who truly knows Drew “The Brokeballer” Anderson, they know he can go from talkative to deep thought, or vice versa, in a matter of minutes. Some people may be bothered by this, I actually had a friend who was slightly put off (at first) by the "Quiet Drew"; but, I understand. Especially being an artist, thoughts and ideas…inspiration can come at any time. As an artist, we have accepted the duty of listening to those inner voices, even if they come at inopportune moments. They may come when you’re dog-tired, working, whenever… So to have somebody close to you that’s generally unassuming is a beautiful thing, especially when they have your best interests at heart.
So to answer everybody once more, “No, Lynn and I are not together”. However, I do recognize the issues that creates. For one, I personally haven’t felt the desire to get in a relationship with anybody, mainly because of my relationship with Lynn. I see how that can be a problem since I have a very amiable and flirtatious nature around women. Mix that with the fact I don’t know when women are digging me, and it can be quite (un)funny when it blows up in my face. I’ve learned that most women go out of their way to ask about Lynn, even when they don’t particularly know Lynn (which to me is weird). Actually, what it really is, is respect. “So, how’s Lynn doing…what’s Lynn doing…where is she…word, can I come over?”. And I understand the logic, believe me I do. Gotta put the feelers out there, see what’s up. But perhaps there is wisdom within the logic. “Why would I not be with Lynn?”
Well, in recent entries, I have addressed relationship issues, commitment issues, love issues, oh, and she’s my best frickin’ friend! I’ll tell anybody quick, Lynn is my heart, but I couldn’t do anything short of marry somebody like Lynn, as she has been such a big part of my growth and development over the years…or at least there to monitor, measure, and witness it. But, I ain’t thinkin’ about marriage at this stage in my life, at least seriously. And the only thing more serious than “Til’ death do you part”, is death! How the fuck I look dating my best friend?! Shit, everything you do in terms of dating, minus sex (pervs), we already do. Me and Lynn’s Grandma are hella cool (Granma is truly off the hook), and my father will speak to Lynn before he speaks to me. Our families are crazy about the other…if that makes sense; Her family loves me, mine loves her.
Do I feel a way for Lynn…yes. However, I also feel I should be a best-selling author, but haven’t made a serious commitment to making that happen. And what are feelings without true commitment? I think the dictionary defines them as emotions, which are in turn fleeting. Sentiments are lasting…unfading, like my sentiments towards G Dubya (take that Amy :o)). Not saying I don’t have a great deal of warm sentiment’s for her, don’t be silly (even I know it's obvious)…it’s just my feelings toward s commitment with anybody change from day to day. For someone, who loves so easily, I have made it a business to distrust my heart on matters regarding love. Ironically, my dick has more say, historically that is, than my heart on matters of love and lust. Even now, old emotions have been aroused in me, thoughts of responsibility and sensibility sweeping over me, estimating the varying probabilities of each equation ending in a dissatisfactory manner. I find that many artists, perhaps people in general, pine about that which scares them the most. Even when they know it’s inevitable, or they want/need it…maybe love it?
Shoot, 2Pac talked about death so much because he was scared of it, yet he knew it was breathing down his neck. Loving life, he talked about death to perhaps become more comfortable with his own mortality. I am no different. Life breathing down my neck, I don’t want to make the wrong decision out of lust or haste, even worse, mistaking strong emotions for sentiments. I write about women so much because they fascinate me, intrigue me and in a way scare me. I know that in this life, my only real vice is women. I’ve (briefly) done the weed phase and outgrown it, I’ve done the liquor phase and outgrown it, and I ain’t crazy enough to do crack or no dumb shit like that…too sensible to smoke. All I have is women. My one weakness. My kryptonite. A pretty vixen can make me forget the king I am and have me playing the role of squire/ fool/ peon all at once.
How does one make a half-hearted commitment? I have feelings for so-and-so, yet, I do for blah-blah-blah, also…at least right now. And, blah-blah-blah is feeling me right now; wow. Ahhh, life is really getting interesting…