Hi, my name is Lee and I'm a geek...

Okay, the two or three of you who actually still read this journal…ummm, the reason I haven’t logged anything of “substance” or extremely funny lately, is because I have frickin’ writer’s block something terrible. I have written a piece or two, but not much more than that. So, what I’m tryna figure out is, “Why the hell do I have writer’s block for such a long duration”. I’m sure that was incorrect speech, but, fuggit…my journal, right?
Normally, I write on a very regular basis, and experience “dry spells”, but this…this is ridiculous. I don’t know what it is…it’s not work, work is work…social life is as dysfunctional as it always is…so, what is it? I don’t want to go to poetry cipher’s because I have nothing new to say. I like sharing my work, although it’s not written to be shared most of the time. It’s more or less, “I know somebody else has to feel me on this one here, man.” Actually, I sometimes think my work comes off as pretentious because I use vocabulary average cats may not be up on, or, I insert random miscellaneous shit the average cat wouldn’t know unless they were a geek like me. I admit it, I’m a geek. I just don’t act geeky, I guess.
I’m simple…I like over analyzing everything…especially movies, and I make a living doing computer based art. I was chillin’ with a fellow poet by the name of Rae, and she asked if she could see some of my art. I kinda don’t like to show people my art, but I showed her anyway. Mainly don’t like to because I loved to draw soooo much, but don’t feel that spark anymore, and it kinda hurts. Shit…I used to want to own my own comic book company…did I mention I was a geek? Used to be I didn’t show my art like that because I was hyper sensitive about how good I was…still is in some ways I’m sure…
So anyways, I showed her some of my penciling, and then I showed her some shit on my computer I did for the children’s book I illustrated a while back. The pictures were drawn first, scanned in, then digitally colored in layers on my computer (I wanted to do something I hadn’t seen before). So, as I was explaining my methodologies, Rae was like, “you’re a geek”. Not in an offensive way, but, in a, most brother’s I know don’t…do…this. Another friend of mine, Takia, I think it was, asked me something technology related, and I went into a spiel that almost seemed automated. Her response? That’s right, “Why do you know this? Oh, I forgot, you’re a geek” Okay, so I paraphrased them both a bit, but I’m almost positive that geek was somewhere in there in both cases.
Maybe that’s it…maybe I have to go back to the beginning. Long before there was poetry in my life, there was drawing. Copping the newest issues of Spider- Man, X-Men, X- Factor, X Force, Uncanny X Men and an occasional Silver Surfer to see what I could glean from the masters. What new trick did Jim Lee reveal to make his art almost low- relief art. What way was Todd McFarlane going to contort Spidey this time. Wow, Ron Lim is sooo cool the way he draws the Silver Surfer like that. Oh, wow, the Hulk is smart again, yeah! Geek…I know.
But, for me, drawing was it…All I wanted to do was draw. All my life aspirations revolved around drawing. Until Howard. Until other people tried to change my style, the way I saw and expressed my vision. How do you do that to an artist? They did it to Van Gogh. He shot himself in a corn field, partially because of that. The other half was love, but, I don’t have any real issues with love. Commitment on the other hand, hmph. That’s another story. That, I find that I love being with new women. Repeats require peaked interest, among other things…
I love to study the signs…The subtleties that most women couldn’t fake if they tried. The jerk when you hit that spot just right…hahaha…that’s one of the greatest things in the world. Shit, ya’ll women don’t know how beautiful you are in the moment. You become so detached from this existence, and for a moment, I’m a spectator in my own private peep show. But, we’re not here to talk about that. This is about writer’s block. Some cynics might say, “Well you seem to be doing alright writing things now.” But, I digress, this is free writing. Miles away from capturing your innermost thoughts. With this…I just let my fingers think for me…Kinda like to see where they take me sometimes. Never know what you may learn about yourself if you free write long enough.
Oh, well…I think I will call it a day for now.

Later,