Hey guys...and of course, Heeeeeey ladies...wit' ya'll fine asses. Hahahaha. Ahem...yes, well, I was tooling through illpoets.com on the venting archives when I realized, I actually say some profound shit every once in a while. Also, I think I'm actually a pretty funny writer, too. Anyways, I really don't have anything to post as of yet, but felt guilty when I looked at the time and remembered I hadn't posted anything yet. Oh, well actually...I can tell you about yesterday. Okay, so we are now in yesterday, this way I don't have to worry about tense issues and shit like that, as I tend to jump around sometimes, but anyways...
Yesterday, I am goofing off for once instead of the usual software exploration and self teaching I normally do when I have free time. So here I am, playing internet spades, when a coworker from another project pops up and startles the bejeezus outta me...mainly because I'm goofing off, y'know? She stops by to tell me she enjoyed my journal entry about my truck woes in the parking garage a few days back, and said she could relate because she did the same damn thing. She then went on to say that she no longer found my work to be angry or anything like that, but insightful, thought provoking, and a whole bunch of other really flattering adjectives. I know, I'm not making this up...I kept waiting for the big "but" in the string of compliments. Then she asked if it felt weird for me to do this journal thing where people who read it and start to get the sense that they "know me". I told her about my email buddy "Indigo Blu", whom I'm never met, yet asks more questions than Barbara Walters hopped up on caffeine :o)...her most recent question was virtually what this coworker had just asked.
I explained to my coworker it helps me put my thoughts in perspective when I write them. I keep the extra personal stuff for my journal, but I feel it's good to share, and yeah it's weird, but hey, we live in a weird world.
Then it happened. She opened up about the last couple of years of her life: Breast cancer. How it affected her physically and emotionally. Ending a 22 year relationship with her husband where she decides to leave with nothing because she was the one who was ending it. Doing that while battling breast cancer. Having faith to believe her daughter, now 16 years old would be mature and strong enough to understand and endure. Beating breast cancer. Rebuilding everything from the ground up...including herself. Wow.
Me not having the greatest eyesight, I didn't know she was tearing up on a brother until she mentioned it. I probably looked like a deer in headlights. Then it hit me...this is a result of my journal. I mean, we have spoken, never really that in depth, but we are always cordial. Where I am often being silly, there are those times when I vent, and the times in between are an "anything goes" affair. For someone who doesn't know me, you can really get me if you read my journal. My journal has become an extension of my poetry, and I can't be dishonest with it. So here I am sharing myself more than I realize, so much so, that a casual stranger (please don't be offended by that) was able to open up to me about her pain. Wow.
As an artist, we get to know our own pain pretty intimately. Even the pain of other artists. We share knowing that our pain is synonymous with many others, yet we don't know how it truly affects people all the time. Wow. Just...wow. With the convo we had, I realized that some of the stuff she was talking about were the same things my book addressed. So I bring her a book just to look at, and she buys one because she enjoys what she sees so much.
I'm a firm believer that God gives everyone at least one special gift that can be used in a positive manner to change things...and people. I know one of mine is the ability to write. Ever wonder, why you were given a particular gift? Ever felt overwhelmed or unworthy? I have been in all three ships at one point or another...but mostly, mostly these days I just feel blessed. Here I thought it was just about the power of my poetry, but it seems my every day thoughts and opinions have a bit of weight on their own, too (at least more than I thought). That feels nice. Maybe people actually read this joint for more than entertainment...ah, what am I saying. I'm sounding all mushy and heartfelt...I'm leaving now. See, I'm getting all quasi emotional...wait can you do that? I know that you can be quasi evil from watching Dr. Evil and Scotty- boy, but quasi emotional? Riiiight, I don't do language, yeah.
Aight, let me stop while I'm somewhat ahead...
Early!
(lame ass attempt at redemption by latching on to Drew n'ems pop quote...seemed funny before I typed it. Much too lazy to backspace and write something more clever; not like I get paid to do this journal..)