Beginning at the Beginning, Part I

I have recently realized something, as in just now. More so, become aware of something, as I pretty much knew, just on a more subconscious level. That realization is simple: If I go against myself and let somebody in, let them take root...the hole they can leave is gaping.
It leaves me to question why I even do this? Is it it to make myself better, or is it to actually say that I've lived and loved.
Perhaps it's to serve as proof that I am indeed human, and do need o need...connection. Real connection. Even if it turns out to be a lie.
I'd like to think that I've gotten better at this, and in truth, I probably have. But it doesn't make the hardship any easier to bear. Sure you can sit back and say that, "Hey, I've done this before"m but, that doesn't necessarily make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside either.
I'd like this to matter, less, but realistically speaking...it's the details that determine whether or not it's a piece of crap or a masterpiece. I guess the lesson here is, there's no such thing as a sure bet. Hell, the "sure bets" can be the most costly mistakes when they don't pan out. The current mortgage mess and the New England Patriots losing to the Giants (of all teams) are perfect examples.
So the question is, where to now? Well, in the words of Bruce Wayne at the end of Batman Begins, "We rebuild". However, we can also take from Alfred who suggests making some improvements in the process of rebuilding. Which is what I plan to do.
At the end of the day, before I can bitch about anybodies attitude towards me, I have to be able to fairly assess my attitude towards me by better evaluating the way I choose to invest my energy, love, and time.
Life is too short for all the bullshit.
Live. Learn. Grow.

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