Sorry

Apparently
There comes a time when I love you
Isn’t enough
When loving reassurances
Although nice
Don’t suffice

We are done with the pretty things
The supple succulence that makes up the fat of this relationship
You want to go beyond that
To the bone and gristle
Thinking that it’d be beautiful if I display the ugliness I feel in my innards
Surely I am a sinner
And it’s time for confession
Every woman I immersed myself in and all the lewd positions
You want my emotion
Bleeding raw stripped from the bone
Uncooked
Medium rare
Knowing that surely some insecurities must lie there
You want it all
My pain
My disdain
My submission
But I have nothing left to give
You have had it all
In the palm of your hand
Gnashing your teeth at what was once sweet
Now needs more seasoning
The platter
My heart
Choking on apologies that we wash down with wine
Gaining pride over time
Can’t wait, to weight
I’m sorry for not saying I love you in front of complete strangers
For fears that I’ll never convey
For all the times I did not say
Sorry you didn’t have the heart to break my heart more politely
Sorry I was the one who was sorry enough to be honest
Sorry you used my honesty against me
Sorry
Sorry “sorry” is such a sorry word
And an even sorrier side dish
Sorry I’m not sorry
Just sad
That I prepared a plate
For two
And it wasn’t good enough for you
Sorry you’re too stubborn to call
Sorry this isn’t about us anymore
But pride
Maybe it never was
Maybe I can send the plate back for peas and carrots
No
We are meatitarians tonight
Dining on the carcass of our relationship
Vultures scavenging emotions
Too self-righteous to concede
To love
To us
I am wounded
And I don’t back down when I’m in a corner
Just stare like a deer in headlights
I’ve been here before
Put my heart out there and watched talons swoop in and snatch it away
Leaving nothing for me
I’m not concerned with the hunt
Or the kill
Don’t want to hear the frenzied gnashing of teeth as we seek to prove who was right
I just want green pastures
And meadows
Calm streams that I’ve never known
Quiet places I’ve never shown you
Because you stopped looking
You were more interested in another’s peacock feathers
I no longer dazzle you
Just a thing to be remembered vaguely for what it represented for so long
A luster that has faded in your eyes
Yet still want to keep on the side like so many trinkets
An echo of the passion you claimed you felt
I am game for the hunter
Affixed on a wall
Searching for my dignity
Not wanting to be a mockery
Remember when I was splendid?
Well I’m sorry
Sorry that sorry is all we are now
And I don’t have the energy within me
To resurrect what can never be
Just finish your meal
And be done with it
I won’t fight
I’ll just lie here and wait for silence
Knowing that’s all you will leave me with
So now that I’ve shared,
What is it that you’re sorry for?