Getting Touchy-Feely/ You Filthy McNasty!

Okay, of all the depraved, lewd and lascivious acts you could commit in the workplace: beating off is definitely up there on the list. Yet, some jerk off (pun intended), felt it necessary to try to take the a load off in the bathroom…while I’m in it.
Let’s review:
I’m in the bathroom, handling my proper business (hey, in order to put said jerk off out there, I have to put myself out there first).
Said dude walks in to the bathroom and proceeds to what I imagine is the end stall. From there, I hear this repetitious noise, “Chk-chk-chk-…” and heavy breathing. Okay, I don’t know where ya’ll are from, but that’s a violation.
Analysis: This ass must not have noticed I was in here.
Dilemma: I don’t want to hear where this is eventually going to end up at all…but what if I’m just hearing this wrong?
Litmus Test: (Loud Clearing of Throat, Courtesy of Lee)
Result: Noise stops, jingling of pants, and quick b-line towards sink. Hands washed…like it matters….exit…aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannd SCENE!
No bullshit.